EPL Diaries: Matchday 2 Preview

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To everyone still missing the Olympics (If you’re like me, you weren’t ready to have Dressage pulled out of your life so abruptly) and to everyone counting down the seconds until the NFL season starts, I have a solution for you. The English Premier League (The EPL). The EPL kicked off its season last week with an exciting Matchday 1 that featured thrilling comebacks, blowouts, controversial officiating decisions, Robin Van Persie in a Manchester United jersey, Andres Villas-Boas abandoning the fashionable trench coat in order to look like a highschool gym teacher and more! In this weekly (hopefully weekly) column I will be previewing the upcoming Matchday by highlighting the key games to watch. That is until Michael Vick gets injured in week 3 and I go into a deep depression that ends in me sobbing into my retro Reggie White jersey. Until then though here are the top 5 games to look out for in Matchday 2.

5. West Ham United at Swansea City (Saturday August 25, 2012 – 7:45 AM ET)

Why wake up at 7:45 in the morning on a Saturday now that Fox Kids is long gone (why wouldn’t they bring back good Saturday morning cartoons? Never understood this) you ask? Because this is (somehow) a battle of two teams coming off of week 1 wins. Newly promoted West Ham started the campaign with a victory that came off of Kevin Nolan’s boot as The Hammers beat Aston Villa 1-0 at Upton Park while the surprise of last year Swansea demolished QPR 5-0 on the road no less with 2 goals coming from new signing Michu (no idea how to pronounce this and based on last week, neither do the announcers). Swansea appears to be the favorite as they seem to not have missed a step despite switching managers in the off-season (Brendan Rodgers out, Michael Laudrup in) and will look to play their fluid “tiki-taka” (Is there really no better phrase to describe this brand of football than this? I mean really?) style in front of their home support. I expect West Ham to stay back and look for chances via the counter-attack and whatever set piece they manage to get. If you manage to wake up this early on Saturday, this game will be fun to watch.

Prediction: Draw

Drinking Game: Drink each time Michael Laudrup gets referred to as “The Great Dane” or every time they cut to a shot of Michu adjusting his hair. (I Don’t actually suggest drinking alcohol this early in the morning…unless you haven’t stopped from the night before, if that’s the case then cheers!)

4. Arsenal FC at Stoke City (Sunday August 26, 2012 – 8:30 AM ET)

Ah what better way to cure your Saturday hangover than watching one team try and play the game of football the “right way” with crisp passes and fluid movements face off against a team who takes the “beautiful game” behind the toolshed and beats it mercilessly with long balls, rugby tackles and long throw-ins. I can’t wait. In all seriousness Arsenal will look to get their first win and goal of the season as they take on Stoke City, another team who could only manage a draw in the first week. Arsenal fans were in a panic after the first game calling for Wenger’s head and all other sorts of over-exaggerations that fans typically exhibit. However, new signing Santi Cazorla looked lively and the Arsenal attack looked decent against a Sunderland side that parked the bus effectively for 90 minutes. And yes, Olivier Giroud missed a pretty easy chance but these things happen and it’s no time to panic especially with the talent this team possesses. Stoke City will look like the same side we’ve seen over the last few years, dull but stubborn and very difficult to beat at home.

Prediction: An Arsenal victory (no real reason here, just a gut feeling. Should let people know though that my “gut feelings” on gambling on soccer have given me a Krusty-esque track record.)

Drinking Game: Drink each time Stoke City throws the ball directly into the Arsenal box off a throw-in. Drink each time you’re confused about Gervinho’s hairline (take very very small sips).

3. Fulham at Manchester United (Saturday August 25, 2012 – 10:00 AM ET)

One of these teams is coming off a 5-0 thrashing of Norwich City and the other is Man U. Fulham began their campaign with a demolition of an admittedly bad Norwich side at Craven Cottage. Norwich’s problems aside, five goals is nothing to scoff at with one coming from Damien Duff (yes, he is still alive) and two from new signing Mladen Petric could be signs that Fulham will be more dangerous this season than in years past. United on the other hand, RVP signing and all could do nothing but watch as Marouane Fellaini and his Sideshow Bob-like hair weaved in and out of their defense leading Everton to a 1-0 victory. It will be very interesting to see how Ferguson will use Van Persie from now on as I expect him to get the start this week but for who is the real question. Kagawa looked impressive in his debut being the lone piece of good news for United fans.  Another question that will be answered on Saturday is who gets the start alongside Vidic and his regrown hair at centerback. In my opinion, Michael Carrick didn’t do a bad job against Everton all things considered and should have an easier time at it playing against the Fulham attack than he did against Fellaini and Jelavic. Panicking after one game makes no sense but seeing 1 or maybe 0 points out of a possible 6 for United will be a cause for concern meaning that the Red Devils should be in attack mode from the get go on Saturday. That being said Fulham is no pushover so this should be a good one to watch.

Prediction: Manchester United victory

Drinking Game: Drink each time the words “little boy” and Van Persie are mentioned together. Drink for every minute of “Fergie Time” (stay away from the hard liquor for this one).

2012-2013 English Premier League: Liverpool

Tweet The new EPL season is finally here! It feels like Sergio Aguero's last minute goal that won the premiere league title for Manchester City happened only yesterday (sorry United fans, had to mention it). It was the first instance since 2003 that the premiere league was won by a team not named Chelsea or Manchester United. It showed us that with enough patience (and more money than everybody else) anyone could win the league. Manchester City is set to return the same team from last year and looks poised to capture their second title in a row. Of course Roberto Mancini, Manchester City's coach has already tried to claim that United are the favorites to win the title (maybe they even are with the Van Persie signing, but at least act like you are defending champions Roberto!), kicking off one of the more amusing things about soccer: managers trying to deflect pressure away from their teams. In my opinion, Arsene Wenger is the king of this, nobody complains more than that guy. But enough about teams I dislike heavily, let's talk my favorite team: Liverpool.

Last season, Liverpool's captain Steven Gerrard missed roughly half the season with injuries, in addition to Gerrard, Liverpool's best player (Lucas) tore his ACL and Liverpool fell into a slump of mediocrity without him. To add insult to injury, expensive signings Andy Carrol, Charlie Adam, and Stewart Downing not only failed to perform; but they played so poorly that I openly questioned how good professional soccer players actually are. Liverpool's lone quality signing, Luis Suarez, was suspended eight games for using a racial slur, and this was backed up by video evidence... wait, no it wasn't I'm thinking of John Terry, who got a two game suspension despite the fact that the case against him actually had evidence to support it. Suarez was guilty of not being English. To add on top of all that, Liverpool astonishingly managed to hit the post or crossbar roughly 35 times over the course of the season, and compounded that by missing 6 penalties. Then coach, Kenny Dalglish (club legend, best player to ever wear a Liverpool shirt) still guided the club to two cup finals (winning one) but was unceremoniously dismissed at the end of the year for failing to finish in a Champion's league position, a task that was border-line impossible given all of the above things I mentioned. Needless to say, last season was not a very fun one.

This year brings new hope to Liverpool (mostly in the form of, it can't possibly be worse than last year). Unlike last year, Steven Gerrard will be healthy to start the season along with Lucas. New coach Brendan Rodgers is bringing an attacking, fun style that the club sorely needs (so hey, if they suck again at least it will be fun to watch), and management seems to have finally put some quality signings together (which I will talk about in future posts). In all honesty, despite the crap pile that was last year, I am excited that soccer is back on and that I can watch my favorite team play again. For now I will leave it at that.

FUCK MAN CITY

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Editors note: After building up so much frustration at last Sunday's game, my friend, a long time Man-U fan finally cracked and asked to vent his feelings on this site. Needless to say the result is delightful, I hope you enjoy this article, I sure did.

I assume if you are reading this sentence right now you have already read the title and you have an slight idea what the tone of this article will be about. I assume if your reading this article, you are also a soccer fan and that you have already watched the Manchester United versus Man City game that took place last Sunday. I assume very little or none of you are Man City fans, but if by some divine miracle you are a Man City fan then just go away, I don’t even want you to read this, just fuck off, just move your mouse to the top right corner of your window and click on the X symbol. Thanks for nothing you fucking wankers. I have so many hateful things to say, but where to start?

By now you have probably concluded that I am a Man U fan, and the event that took place last Sunday is not one that I want to stay in my memory. I remember October, 23, 2011 like it was yesterday, my day went a little something like this. I woke up late, missed the first half, went to the library, opened up the game to see the score 1-0 for Man City, then a minute later Balotelli scores to make it 2-0, went on ESPN to check who scored the first goal only to realize United were down to ten men, shortly afterwards Aguero scored to make it 3-0. Everything was all going so wrong so fast so I just decided to shut off my laptop. Then I slowly took out a gun out of my bag, placed it on my temple, and pulled the trigger to end the misery….

Firstly, just looking at United’s lineup on Sunday depressed me, the line up that Sir Alex put out wasn’t even close to full potential. I hated this starting lineup. First of all why da fuck is Evans playing over Phil Jones, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Phil Jones has been the shining star for United and he’s the face of the youngsters that are coming through for the team. He faster, stronger, smarter, and a way better leader than Evans, but somehow he was on the bench and that piece of shit was on the field. I mean how can you trust a guy who makes tackles like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cs88nvpF_gw . When Evans first came through I really thought he was going to be a star, but with time he only proved that he was mentally challenged. I don’t ever want to see him in the starting lineup, the only time I ever want to see Evans’s name in there is if Chris Smalling, Ferdinand, Jones, Evra, Rafael, Fabio, Valencia all cannot physically stand up, and Vidic only has one leg left to stand on, then and only then do I ever want to see his name in the starting lineup. I don’t like blaming Sir Alex for anything, but this was definitely a huge mistake that costs the game. Ferdinand is already way past his prime 3 years ago so I don’t even want to pick on him. To the new goalie, I have nothing bad to say about De Gea nor do I have anything nice, I know the 6 goals was not really his fault at all, but I feel like if Van der Sar or any of the other great United goalies in the same situation they would not have let that happen. Something about him just seems off and he just doesn’t seem like a United goalie, please bring the flying Dutchman back. I don’t know why im hating on United players but im just so irrational right now that everything is making me mad. I guess its because I haven’t let out the source of my hatred which is Man City…

Suarez, the EPL, and the Tabloids

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It's been a long time sense I felt like I could write another article about soccer.  Too many games missed due to a dreadful combination of school and work combined with some awful game times (8:30 am Sunday for derbies, really?) left me with insufficient knowledge or inspiration to write about anything.  Today I finally got that bit of inspiration and hopefully the following will sound as coherent as it did when I thought about it.

Many in the mainstream media (especially the British media, but that's for another time) will look at Liverpool's 15 points from 9 games as a major disappointment, while also taking shots at Liverpool's American owners and Luis Suarez.  A couple of thoughts on this, first of all, what Suarez is doing on the soccer field is absolutely incredible, he is easily the most exciting Liverpool player I have watched in my life time.  His talent isn't even the best thing about him, if there was an NBA season you would hear me bitch about guys who get paid and don't care, with Suarez it is the exact opposite.  He approaches games with the intensity of a starving wolf, he is genuinely pissed when he (or the team) is playing poorly, and hates being subbed off.  He really, really cares, we can't say the same thing about players like Tevez and Torres who always put themselves before the team, which by the way is something Suarez has yet to do (and in my opinion he wont).  It's too bad that if you are a supporter of another team you wont notice these things because every major British tabloid and sportscasting company is trying to convince us that Suarez is the Antichrist   Look, I get it he sometimes goes to ground too easily and does complain quite a bit; you know who else complains?  Wayne Rooney, Xavi, Iniesta (the Barcelona guys way more than anyone else) Why do these stars complain so much?  Because they don't feel the ref protects them enough.  Against Norwich, Peter Walton decided that the media was right and chose to ignore the numerous incidents of Norwich players tugging at and grabbing Suarez around the neck area because hey, he dives and bitches!  I would be fine with this were it not for the same media blowhards never treating Christiano Ronaldo like this.  Compare how Suarez and Ronaldo behave on the pitch, they wont be far off.  To the media's credit they eventually started treating Ronaldo like they are Suarez now only after the former got Rooney sent off in the World Cup, gee I wonder what caused them to start hating the guy all of a sudden?  I will avoid getting too much into Sir Alex Ferguson's (Phenomenal coach, putrid human being) hypocritical rant about Suarez's antics, keep in mind that this same man has Nani and Evra on his squad but I digress.  

5 Things To Look Forward to In Matchday 1

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I wasn't sure whether to do a full preview of the upcoming Barclays Permier League or simply a preview of my "favourite" (all my friends have a vested interest in this league so I decided to pick a team to cheer on and because it is no fun rooting for your team to stay out of relegation I decided to go with one of the best in the league, yes it's a bandwagon pick but it's made me enjoy the league more so I have no problems with it. My actual team is and always will be Partizan but that's a whole different topic) team Chelsea. I then realized that i did not know enough about the entire league to do a preview justice and that late-summer fatigue (one that comes from sitting around doing nothing) had made me too lazy to even do a team preview. So here are my admittedly rushed and half-hearted (much like the plot in any Michael Bay movie) top 5 things to look forward to on matchday 1.

1. Can Sir Alex Ferguson and Man U. get off to a good start in the defense of their title?

It seems hard to believe but Manchester United has won 4 out of the last 5 Premier League titles. This quiet dynasty will look to kick things off with a win against West Brom. Even though the Red Devils are on the road I have to believe that anything but a win will be a disappointment. Also, with basically the same team as last year (only difference is a weaker defence, Rio Ferdinand's sucked for about 2 years now and a new goalkeeper in net) with a few key additions (Ashley Young, i watched him destroy Chelsea several times) this team will be the team to beat (they are also my pick to win it all again this year) and if the rumours of Wesley Sneijder (yes, i googled how to spell his last name) arriving are true. Look out.

2. How will Chelsea do their first game under Andre Villas-Boas?

The Blues will start their season on the road against Stoke (no pushovers at Brittania Stadium where they won 10 games last season) with basically the same aging squad they finished with last year. All eyes will be on Chelsea's new and charismatic coach who is coming off a dream season with Porto FC becoming the youngest coach (33 years old) ever to win a European Trophy (The Europa League) and on the worst signing last year hands down, Fernando Torres (seriously, Nnamdi Asomugha could kill Michael Vick in week 1 and still have a better year then Torres had last year for Chelsea). Both men will be looking to impress and since Torres has nowhere to go but up (hopefully) and Villas-Boas has already proven himself as a world-class coach I predict a win for Chelsea.

3. What will Dalglish and Liverpool do for an encore after last years great finish?

Go here for an answer.

4. How will Arsenal react to the impending departures of Cesc Fabregas and Samir Nasri?

With Cesc basically a Barcelona player in everything but name and Nasri close behind him on a move to Man City, how will the young stars of Arsenal react in their opening match against Newcastle (who also have player issues with talented but strange midfielder Joey Barton)? One has to think that if Arsene Wenger doesn't at least contend seriously for some trophies this year or at the very least finish in the top 4 that he would be on his way out of Emirates. I mean how many great young talent can you stock up before fulfilling your potential? This must be infuriating for Arsenal fans who know that if their team went out and bought someone to push them over the top they could win the league (think Oklahoma City Thunder but worse). Going to be a very interesting season for this team.

5. Has Mario Balotelli figured out how to put on a bib?

Ok that was just a cheap excuse to post that video but really who can blame me?

Have a great weekend and enjoy the football. I know i will.

Luka Milanovic
@Luka_M91 on twitter