To everyone still missing the Olympics (If you’re like me,
you weren’t ready to have Dressage pulled out of your life so abruptly) and to
everyone counting down the seconds until the NFL season starts, I have a
solution for you. The English Premier League (The EPL). The EPL kicked off its season
last week with an exciting Matchday 1 that featured thrilling comebacks,
blowouts, controversial officiating decisions, Robin Van Persie in a Manchester
United jersey, Andres Villas-Boas abandoning the fashionable trench coat in
order to look like a highschool gym teacher and more! In this weekly (hopefully
weekly) column I will be previewing the upcoming Matchday by highlighting the
key games to watch. That is until Michael Vick gets injured in week 3 and I go into
a deep depression that ends in me sobbing into my retro Reggie White jersey.
Until then though here are the top 5 games to look out for in Matchday 2.
5. West Ham United at Swansea City (Saturday August 25, 2012
– 7:45 AM ET)
Why wake up at 7:45 in the morning on a Saturday now that
Fox Kids is long gone (why wouldn’t they bring back good Saturday morning
cartoons? Never understood this) you ask? Because this is (somehow) a battle of
two teams coming off of week 1 wins. Newly promoted West Ham started the
campaign with a victory that came off of Kevin Nolan’s boot as The Hammers beat
Aston Villa 1-0 at Upton Park while the surprise of last year Swansea
demolished QPR 5-0 on the road no less with 2 goals coming from new signing
Michu (no idea how to pronounce this and based on last week, neither do the
announcers). Swansea appears to be the favorite as they seem to not have missed
a step despite switching managers in the off-season (Brendan Rodgers out,
Michael Laudrup in) and will look to play their fluid “tiki-taka” (Is there
really no better phrase to describe this brand of football than this? I mean
really?) style in front of their home support. I expect West Ham to stay back
and look for chances via the counter-attack and whatever set piece they manage
to get. If you manage to wake up this early on Saturday, this game will be fun
to watch.
Prediction: Draw
Drinking Game: Drink each time Michael Laudrup gets referred
to as “The Great Dane” or every time they cut to a shot of Michu adjusting his
hair. (I Don’t actually suggest drinking alcohol this early in the morning…unless
you haven’t stopped from the night before, if that’s the case then cheers!)
4. Arsenal FC at Stoke City (Sunday August 26, 2012 – 8:30
AM ET)
Ah what better way to cure your Saturday hangover than
watching one team try and play the game of football the “right way” with crisp
passes and fluid movements face off against a team who takes the “beautiful
game” behind the toolshed and beats it mercilessly with long balls, rugby
tackles and long throw-ins. I can’t wait. In all seriousness Arsenal will look
to get their first win and goal of the season as they take on Stoke City,
another team who could only manage a draw in the first week. Arsenal fans were
in a panic after the first game calling for Wenger’s head and all other sorts
of over-exaggerations that fans typically exhibit. However, new signing Santi
Cazorla looked lively and the Arsenal attack looked decent against a Sunderland
side that parked the bus effectively for 90 minutes. And yes, Olivier Giroud
missed a pretty easy chance but these things happen and it’s no time to panic
especially with the talent this team possesses. Stoke City will look like the
same side we’ve seen over the last few years, dull but stubborn and very
difficult to beat at home.
Prediction: An Arsenal victory (no real reason here, just a
gut feeling. Should let people know though that my “gut feelings” on gambling
on soccer have given me a Krusty-esque track record.)
Drinking Game: Drink each time Stoke City throws the ball
directly into the Arsenal box off a throw-in. Drink each time you’re confused
about Gervinho’s hairline (take very very small sips).
3. Fulham at Manchester United (Saturday August 25, 2012 –
10:00 AM ET)
One of these teams is coming off a 5-0 thrashing of Norwich
City and the other is Man U. Fulham began their campaign with a demolition of
an admittedly bad Norwich side at Craven Cottage. Norwich’s problems aside,
five goals is nothing to scoff at with one coming from Damien Duff (yes, he is
still alive) and two from new signing Mladen Petric could be signs that Fulham
will be more dangerous this season than in years past. United on the other hand, RVP
signing and all could do nothing but watch as Marouane Fellaini and his Sideshow Bob-like hair weaved in and out of
their defense leading Everton to a 1-0 victory. It will be very interesting to
see how Ferguson will use Van Persie from now on as I expect him to get the
start this week but for who is the real question. Kagawa looked impressive in
his debut being the lone piece of good news for United fans. Another question that will be answered on
Saturday is who gets the start alongside Vidic and his regrown hair at
centerback. In my opinion, Michael Carrick didn’t do a bad job against Everton
all things considered and should have an easier time at it playing against the
Fulham attack than he did against Fellaini and Jelavic. Panicking after one
game makes no sense but seeing 1 or maybe 0 points out of a possible 6 for
United will be a cause for concern meaning that the Red Devils should be in
attack mode from the get go on Saturday. That being said Fulham is no pushover
so this should be a good one to watch.
Prediction: Manchester United victory
Drinking Game: Drink each time the words
“little boy” and Van Persie are mentioned together. Drink for every minute of “Fergie
Time” (stay away from the hard liquor for this one).
